Review: 13 things mentally strong people don't do

This is a concisely written Ronseal type book which uses case studies to illustrate the advice it gives against each problem area.

Helpfully, the thirteen things each have a chapter of their own which meant I simply delved into the chapters which felt most relevant rather than read the book from cover to cover.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
2. They Don’t Give away their Power 
3. They Don’t Shy away from Change 
4. They Don’t Focus on things they can’t Control 
5. They Don’t Worry about Pleasing Everyone 
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks 
7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past 
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over 
9. They Don’t Resent other People’s Success 
10. They Don’t Give Up after the First Failure
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes them Anything

I chose to read the highlighted chapters above. Each chapter has a few case studies and practical tips and advice.

They Don't Give away their Power
Probably the most helpful thing for me in this chapter was the piechart exercise outlined in the opening case study. It goes like this.

• Make a piechart breaking down how you physically spend your time. 
• Make another breaking down how you mentally spend your time. 

After completing the exercise, you may find that you are devoting considerably more mental time and energy on areas which are a very small part of your actual life.  It's a simple exercise but provided me with a minor epiphany.

A few other tips were also useful:

• Distracting and removing yourself from difficult situations like arguments. I'd begun to do this before reading this book, but this prompt will help cement the habit. 
• The power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is apparently reduces stress and increases tolerance to pain. 

They Don't Shy away from Change 
I don't generally feel I'm someone who shies away from change. But since I am middle-aged and have been working for the same organisation for approaching twenty years, living in the same house for five and married for nearly fifteen - I have occasionally wondered if I need to test that assumption!

It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t . . . It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.

James Gordon 

This chapter focuses on reducing barriers to change through encouraging small steps, making it easier to form new habits.  I think this chapter might have applied to me in the past, but I'm not sure it does now - especially as I now have new tools for habit formation.

They Don't Dwell on the Past
I found I was reluctant to read this chapter which was probably a good indication that I needed to.

I've certainly had to do this in the past - especially in relation to deeply held trauma together with some more recent problems.

The story behind J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan is a particularly poignant case study in this chapter.  The tips I took away were:

• Focus on factual details rather than feelings
• Consider what you learned from the experience.
• Distraction (again!) through creating things to do/think about when triggered by past thoughts. 
• Set future goals. 
• Schedule time to think about it - rather than allowing it surface as and when. 

Schedule time to think about a past event. Sometimes our brains need a chance to sort things out and the more you tell yourself not to think about it, the more those memories can crop up throughout the day. Instead of battling to suppress the memories, remind yourself, I can think about that after dinner tonight. Then, after dinner, give yourself twenty minutes to think about it. When your time is up, move on to something else. 

Amy Morin, 13 things mentally strong people don't do 

Lastly, the advice which concludes the book includes a few basic tips on self-coaching.

Verdict: Well written guide for targeted mental strength building.